Tip Tuesday: Timing Matters

During your optimal time of the day tackle what you dread doing and what matters most.

My son’s love language is touch, mine… not sure, but definitely not touch. In trying to strengthen my relationship with him I wanted to add more hugs. My first reaction was at night. After several weeks of the hugs being more of a checklist item than a sincere expression of love, I realized nights are not my best time of the day. I am a morning person. So I switched my emphasis to big, 6 to 10 second morning hugs. The result: my hugs have become a true joy to give and my son has responded with bigger hugs back. Timing really matters!

Lesson from moving to California: Love What You Have

If you wear them, rose­ colored glasses are for looking at the present, not longing for the past. My first two years in California where full of textbook ways to integrate my family into our new area. We got involved in the community and explored our new surroundings. Still, I longed for my life in Oregon.

My rose­colored glasses for the past were blinding me to fully appreciating the beauty of the present. My body was present, but my heart was only half committed. It was only after a real opportunity presented itself for our family to return to the Northwest that I objectively looked at what I would be leaving behind. When I chose to accept California as home and the best place to be, I was able to create stronger relationships, better memories and appreciate the things that only a small farming community could offer.

Maybe it was because we didn’t choose where we were going when we were relocated. Maybe it was because I love the heartbeat of the city. I am not sure why, at first, I couldn’t give my whole heart to living in California. However, what I learned was holding onto the past can prevent you from enjoying the present.

On the move: Three things I learned moving to three different states

After moving, the boxes get mostly emptied and pictures hung on the wall. Now there is finally a moment to breathe and relax. The physical aspects of moving are demanding. When they are over, however, the emotional demands of a new start can take over. Ten years ago, our family relocated to a new state for the first time. Two states later, I have learned some valuable and sometimes hard lessons about making moving a little more emotionally successful for myself and family. Here are the three lessons I have learned.

Oregon: Explore where you live

California: Love what you have

Colorado: Stay true to yourself

Part One: Oregon

When we moved to Beaverton, Oregon we had two children ages 5 and almost 3. This was our first time being more than 90 minutes from family. My oldest started kindergarten the day after we arrived. Part of this transition going smoothly was my college roommate, Heather, had moved to the area a few months earlier. I had instant support, but it turned out to be more than that. s family came to the area for her husband to do his Pediatric Residency at Oregon Health & Science University. To encourage families to acclimate, OHSU had a contest with numerous activities to do within a couple hours radius of where we lived. After a year, who ever earned the most points from doing activities would win. Our family was lucky enough to tag along with a lot of these activities. This helped Oregon become a home we loved for three reasons.

1. We saw amazing landscape and had great adventures.

2. We created great memories in our new life that we couldn’t have created anywhere else.

3. It encouraged me to go beyond the list and find new favorites like a fun consignment shop, great ethnic food and loving being near the water, ocean or river.

It doesn’t matter if you have lived somewhere for 20 years or 2 months. Exploring where you live can help you love it!

RELAX

Recently, as I expressed frustration about an upcoming event, a good friend told me to relax, everything isn’t always ideal. Agreed. But knowing life is full of unknowns we can’t control, I have always felt what we can control needs to be in as much order as possible. But was holding onto justice and what I felt was right (about a social event, not a person’s life) worth the negative energy I was creating in my own life? After some reflection, I had to admit my friend was right; I need to relax or more importantly let go of the things I can’t control.

I didn’t need the kind of relaxation that comes from a bubble bath or quiet moments. I need to be a little easier going in life’s not so critical events. So I am giving myself three ways to create a relaxed environment in my life and start giving up control.

1. Remember, sometimes good enough is best.
2. How people feel around me is more important than an end result.
3. Have fun. Laugh when possible. Smile often.

I hope these will help me more readily accept outcomes when I don’t agree with a situations that is not life altering. More importantly I want to create better moments and memories with my friends and family.

How do you need to relax?

Appreciate the Process

“Happiness is not a goal…it’s a by-product of a life well lived.”-Eleanor Roosevelt

I am a list maker. I can’t ever remember not being a list maker. Early in my marriage my husband expressed concern for my commitment to follow through with each list. Feeling they were party of my ability to be productive and effective, I ignored his chides. In time, I began to understand.

So often my level of joy in a day came from the number of items crossed of my list. Rarely would I acknowledge the value or time of a list item, they were all equal. And parts of my life that never made it to my list, like spending time with loved ones, helping someone when it wasn’t planned or quiet time, would become an annoyance! I needed to learn to appreciation for more than what was on my list.

We can run into similar behavior when striving to obtain a goal or create a new habit. How long does it take to create a habit? If we make a mistake, do you have to start from day on again? If you answered 21 or 28 days and yes, that is incorrect. Though commonly accepted as scientific truth, this idea is no more than an idea that has been promoted in multiple ways. In research from UCL, participants in multiple studies created new habits in as little as 18 days, while some took 254 days with the average being 66 days. Is this joyful or depressing? Is your reaction “I will never be able to create a new habit. I can’t go 66 days without making a mistake!” Good news, you don’t have to. The study further found that if you aren’t prefect in your endeavor but keep moving forward, you will succeed.

Like not taking in to account the value or time of the items on my list, if we treat all changes equal it can be discouraging when they are not. Do we expect to create the habit of daily meditation for 15 minutes to take the same amount of time as creating the habit of drinking an extra glass of water each day? If so, we could be setting ourselves up for disappointment. “The duration of a habit formation is likely to differ depending on who you are and what you are trying to do. As long as you continue doing your new healthy behavior consistently in a given situation, a habit will form.”1

By shifting our mindset to appreciate the value of the small wins we give ourselves permission to enjoy the process. This shift helps us to keep trying when we make a mistake and to be happy through the process of change.

Do I still make lists? Yes!!! I love them. However, what is on them has changed, how I organize them has improved but most importantly, the do not determine the satisfaction and joy I get in a day. My ability to start appreciating small daily wins while accepting there is more to me than what is on the list has allowed me to give myself permission to be happy. Even on the days when nothing on the list got done.

Reference: 1 http://blogs.ucl.ac.uk/hbrc/2012/06/29/busting-the-21-days-habit-formation-myth/

 

Welcome to FamilyMotion

WHY I BECAME A COACH

After helping small businesses grow for many years, the impact of being a mother changed my focus. I wanted to see women celebrate all they can do and to see families thrive. There are so many voices to tell you how and what to do with your kids, marriage and self. Too often those voices are so loud that we don’t listen to our own voice from within and the inspiration God wants to give us. After a period of time we don’t even have a voice from within anymore because we didn’t take the time to nurture and grow what our voice is. Women are told to “have it all”. Many try to, running a hundred different directions. The problem is what is the definition of all? Each woman needs to decide for herself. As women we need to start supporting each other in taking different paths, the same with families.

WHAT MAKES ME UNIQUE

As a coach I bring empathy, but will hold clients accountable to challenging themselves and reaching further than they thought they had the strength to do. I bring a broad life experience, however this is about your journey and what you want. I am not another voice telling you what to do. I am also realistic and real. I live in the “real” world with real challenges and problems.

 

http://www.thefamilymotion.com